Setting Boundaries
I talk to parents all day long about how to be consistent, discipline and guide their children in the right way, and then I go home and have the same struggles as everyone else. Setting boundaries is going to be different for different ages. I think it’s easiest in the beginning. Redirecting a baby is easy. You just turn them around or put up a gate. Dealing with older kids who can talk and negotiate is harder! I sometimes take the easy way out too. As a working mom, I don’t see my kids all day long and then to come home and discipline is hard. At times I want to just give in because I want everyone to be happy and smiling. Little girl: Mommy can I have some candy?
Mommy: No.
Little girl: Please I want to have some candy!
Mommy: What did I just say?
Little girl: But I want some!!
Mommy: I said no.
Little girl: Puhlease Mommy!
Mommy: Oh okay.
Little girl: Yeaaaah! Mommy!
I just stood there! Wow! “Is she imitating me? Do I do that?” I asked. I was reassured by my informant that indeed she was and indeed I do! I was more than a little shocked. It’s amazing how much your kids will push once you let up on a “rule” Ever since I let them have candy for breakfast (I know! I know! I think it was someone’s birthday or something….) they have asked me that at least 2-3 times a week. After that revealing discussion, boundaries are being reset. It’s been a little painful but I remind myself that our job as parents is not to do what is the easiest but what is in their best interest. I’m still learning…. wish me luck!
Dr. Sheila Cason
2 Comments:
This is so true. The other day, my son asked me for a snack while we were at the grocery store. I said "no." He said "pleeeaase." Again, I said "no." He said "pleeaase." I gave in and said "ok, just one." He then turned to his little sister and said, "Here's the trick. If you want something and Mom says no, all you have to do is say "please" a couple of times, and she'll give it to you." I too, was dumbfounded embarrassed.
Boundaries, a frequently heard phrase. Why, as a parent, should I care at all about boundaries for my children? Wouldn't they just further frustrate my kids in what is already often a frustrating world?
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