Delaying Gratification: The Marshmallow Experiment

If someone offered your child a marshmallow would they eat it? What if they were told they could get two if they waited for 15 minutes? In this age of “I want it and I want it now!” mentality, it’s hard to imagine a child waiting. I can hardly get my children to wait 5 seconds. It seems that this concept of delayed gratification might be an advanced skill. A skill that you might ask of a group of high schoolers or at least middle schoolers right? But research shows that this skill can be learned at a young age. And most importantly delayed gratification can have greater ramifications for the future than we think.

I see a lot of children where delayed gratification is a foreign concept. They quickly choose to forego college because money is greater and faster going straight to work than continuing with school. But it’s hard for kids to see beyond the big picture. They are concrete thinkers. What’s here and now in front of me is stronger than an imagined good in the future. Therefore it’s our job to show them the benefits of waiting. Part of this is actually setting limits and boundaries and saying, “No. I know you want it but you need to wait and here’s why.” In order for kids to be accustomed to this gratification delay, it needs to start when they are young and the choices aren’t as life altering. This pattern of thinking sets the groundwork for their life. In 1960 psychologists at Stanford University told a group of preschoolers that they could have one marshmallow immediately or if they waited, they could get two. 14 years later they followed up with these children that resisted temptation. These children scored on average 200 points higher on their SATs and they showed better adaptability to stressful situations. This ability to wait for the things we want when we are young translates into real world success.

Our job is to prepare our children for the world and help them learn crucial life skills. Whether we like it or not we are teaching our children in everything we do. It’s essential that we teach them that things worth having are worth the wait. So I ask you…. if your child was given the choice: one marshmallow or two.....which would they choose?


Dr. Sheila Cason