End Power Struggles with your Child

Oh my goodness! I can’t believe it! Yet another struggle with my three year old. We were all doing fine until she refused to put on pajamas. I gave her two chances and then before you knew it, she was in bed crying, without having read books. And I’m left being the big bad mean Mommy! Will it never end?

I must really need to work through this issue, because here I am writing about it again. And if you were a fly on the wall you’d have heard me talking about it yesterday as well. During a well baby check for a sweet innocent 9 month old, the conversation drifted to her three year old brother. Nooo… I didn’t push, it went there naturally. We talked a lot of patience and lingered over the issues of parenting with love, compassion and consistency. They left profusely thanking me for the advice. But really it is them I should thank. Talking through these tough issues also helps me.

Life with children can be delightful and yet despairingly difficult at times. But you have to remember that if you want to end power struggles with your child, you need to ignore the bait. I’m not always that good at resisting. I just open my mouth, close it and start screaming when the hook gets stuck. Agghh! But if you can manage to stay strong, calm and centered as the storm rages around you, you can talk when it dies down.

But if you do take the bait, like I just did, wait until you’re both calm and then talk with them. Not more than 15 minutes ago my little girl came back up to me and wanted to talk. I picked her up and hugged her. We talked softly, looking at each other, our noses almost touching. I told her I needed to work on listening. You know what she said? “I need to work on listening too.” I hugged her to me and I talked and listened some more. She’s now fast asleep and as I look at her young little self, I can’t help but be sad that we argued. She makes me want to be a better Mommy.

Sheila Cason, MD