First Family Photo Shoot

We braved ourselves a few Saturdays ago and actually dared to get a family photo...The results were unexpected but delightful. Thank you Expressions Studio!


We had to start the session with some pretzels...


And then it was easy going ...



But after a while Jacob got a little cranky...so we just kept taking photos...


then we needed a rest session!



And he was off...


And it was time to say goodbye...

How to Balance Work and Life

Are you like me? Are you constantly feeling pulled between work and life? The other night I was trying to get some work done and my oldest kept interrupting me. When I finally had enough I snapped at her and she started crying. I felt terrible of course and then gave her my undivided attention. She soon felt better and went to bed without any problems. Later that evening I stumbled across Stephen Covey’s blog post. How to Strike a Work and Life Balance. He said “…having a good work/life balance means that your actions and priorities are aligned in a way that is taking care of what is really important to you.” I fell asleep pondering this and woke up with a headache. I definitely wasn’t aligning my actions and priorities. I had to admit I was fractioning my time in too many places and I wasn’t taking care of what was the most important to me- my family.

That next morning, I cornered my husband on his way out the door. He’s honest and always willing to offer constructive feedback. Over a cup of coffee we discussed my priorities. Though I was practicing pediatrics part time I was still “working” more than ever. I had so much on my plate, even my hobbies felt like obligations. That morning he asked me what my goals were. What did I hope to accomplish? With my life? With my time? When I paused to answer questions that I had never asked myself, I knew it was time to scale back and focus on just a few things. I went back to Stephen Covey’s post for inspiration.

Covey hit home again. He said, “To a chronic multi-tasker everything is a task. Soon, the things in life that are really important to them are in the same list as everything else, and the only tasks that get done are the ones that have become urgent, but often aren’t very important.” The problem was that I was achieving just for the sake of achieving. I had a growing list of to dos and even that which was supposed to rejuvenate me felt like an obligation.

I slowed down and thought about what I would regret if I didn’t do. I thought about my life and discarded activities that kept me busy but didn’t contribute to my long range goals. If you commit to asking yourself what is really most important, then the little things that start to distract you- the urgent but not important tasks such as checking email, surfing the internet and blogging daily fall to the wayside. I discarded two of my three blogs, designing my website and slowed down with my parenting column. I kept my writing course and taking photos for fun. I also signed the girls up for soccer and started to volunteer in Gabby’s kindergarten class. I am focusing on organization so I have more time to play such as cooking meals that will give me leftovers for days.

Covey says there are no quick fixes and he’s right. It’s hard to change an achievement mentality. Ever since I was little I had a “goal.” Now I’m grown and I have to ask myself, “Now what is my goal and when do I actually reach it?” I have to ask myself, “How long do I delay gratification?” Do I vacation when I’m retired? When my kids are grown? When I’m no longer around?

I keep telling myself that people are more important than things and experiences are more important than material goods. When I focus on this, it becomes easier to align my work and life. I still worry that I’m not “producing” enough- whatever that means. But in 10 years I’ll look back and know that I went to their soccer games and read to their class. I have to tell myself that THIS is important. This moment. Right here. Right now.

Sheila Cason MD

The Importance of Family Vacations

Well we did it! After months of planning we headed off to Cairns, Australia in search of koalas and kangaroos. It’s been almost two weeks since we’ve been home but I can still smell the ocean air as we sailed our way to Green Island, taste the perfectly crispy fish and chips we ate by the pool nightly and feel the warm wet air as we hiked through the Daintree Rainforest. It took some patience to take a family of five to another country and I surely could have used the money for something that seems more tangible but studies show that this wouldn’t have made us happier.

Leaf Van Boven, an assistant psychology professor at the University of Colorado at Boulder, who has studied the topic of happiness and well-being, says that if you really want to be happier you need to stop buying more stuff and start doing more. "An orientation toward life experiences tends to make people happier than an orientation toward pursuing materialistic goods.”

Van Boven explains that this is because experiences are more open to positive reinterpretation. The appeals of purchases soon wither after acquisition but experiences quite literally get better with time. This process of positive reinterpretation means that you get to enjoy your vacation again and again even long after it’s over. I’ve already thought less of Jacob vomiting at the breakfast table and more of the magic butterfly dances and the sleepy koalas.

Another reason you should focus on experiences rather than buying objects is because “experiences are more central to one’s identity”. If you think back on who you are, most likely it’s because of what you’ve experienced and not what you’ve bought. That perfect sweater or cool bracelet didn’t make you who you are today and you certainly won’t remember it when you’re old and gray. We would do best to forgo that impulse to amass more materialistic goods and instead plan on using that money in learning to dive or ride a horse.

Because we’re in Guam and are lucky to have such proximity to different countries and their diverse cultures, we’re taking advantage of it. But, your next family vacation needn’t take you to another country; it can easily be a weekend in the woods camping. And you don’t have to spend a lot of money to fully appreciate the experience. Some of the best moments of our trip were the simplest. I can still see the look on my children’s faces when Jacob ate his first ice cream cone; Brianna held a butterfly and Gabby danced in the water fountain.

Don’t forgo certain life necessities in favor of experiences. We all need to prioritize and focus on what our family needs. But if you’re debating whether to buy a new car or save for that family vacation, go for the family vacation. Experiences will contribute more to you and your child’s happiness than buying the latest car model. Remember that your life is a collection of your experiences not your possessions. For more ideas on how to focus on more fun and less stuff go to the Center for a New American Dream.

Sheila Cason MD

Reference:Van Boven, Leaf To Do or to Have? That is the Question Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2003, Vol 85, No 6. 1193-1202

Goofing Around

Back to school and the uniform policy is now being strictly enforced! She didn't seem to mind though. She was all giggles and spunk coming off the bus this afternoon.

That's my little ham!























Sheila Cason MD

Like the First Day of School All Over Again

I forget that new situations are scary for a little kids. I'm back at work from the holiday break and that means my five year old will be at the youth center today. She spent all morning giggling in anticipation. Until I dropped her off that is. Then she replicated the "look" from the first day of school. (see above) Pitiful huh? New situations are scary for me too. "Uh... Can I get a receipt for her? "

Sheila Cason, MD

Merry Christmas!

The Baby Alive dolls were the biggest hits. When you are little, feeding baby dolls and changing dirty diapers are still fantastically fun!

Sheila Cason, MD

The Feel of Family

The office Christmas party was like none another. I was excited to join everyone for another gathering, albeit a little nervous. A few months ago, when I was hired, we all met at a restaurant for a family style celebration. We had a good time until Jacob started throwing a tantrum and then quickly progressed to throwing up. He filled two water glasses with vomit. Everyone was kind and helpful but I know it couldn't have been pleasant. Embarrassed, I left shortly thereafter. Tonight was going to be different. "I won't let him tantrum," I told John, "I'll hold him all night long and we'll all be happy." Even so I brought extra clothes... just in case.

We arrived at Sam Choys, a little earlier than everyone else. The restaurant was all dressed up for Christmas with a huge holiday tree and sparkling lights. The long table had been prepared for the 8 main workers from our office and their families for a total of 20 settings placed. As we waited for the guests, John and I had a chance to relax with the kids... we ordered alcohol as soon as possible. I needed to unwind. It had been a cranky day for me. I was missing my family. There was a phenomenally low number of Christmas cards this year. Close to zero. Either everyone decided it wasn't worth the trouble or Guam is too far away.

On a whim, I ordered Shirley Temples for the kids. It brought back such delightful memories of dinner out with my parents. When I was young, we would go out to eat usually for special occasions, and I'll always remember this drink named after the famous little girl star. I remember the first one. We had gone out to eat at The Old Mill on a cold February day in Pennsylvania. I had felt a little out of place but still very grown up and special as I sipped my new cocktail... I thought about this as the kids looked at their new drink with wide eyes. Gabby drank two. Delighted was she! Bree nursed one all night long (she's just like me) and Jake sipped it, frowned and let it dribble out his mouth. He then played with the straw and cherry for a half hour.

There was a buzz in the restaurant with the diners voices mingling with the holiday music. I started to feel better. As I read Goodnight Moon to Bree and sipped my wine, the others slowly trickled in and we all greeted each other with the customary kiss on the right cheek. I like this custom. It felt awkward at first. But now as I have been here longer and have Guamanian friends this has become familiar. It feels delightfully warm and gracious to lean in and place your cheek against the soft cheek of another. Better than a handshake.

Later 23 men women and children were crowded around. The kids played with each other by running laps around the long table. Jacob joined in and started running around, his arms up in the air and his little feet going pitterpat. The presents were flowing off the table and onto the floor. The children were delighted. Food arrived just in time and we all dug in.

Then it happened. As the baby shoveled rice in his mouth, he got a little caught in his throat. He coughed and coughed and then John said the usual knowingly "uh oh" and he was right. It all came back up again. He just kept retching and the meal and fluids were literally splashing over everything. I was mortified. Not exactly the highlight of an office Christmas party and what you want at a nice restaurant. I looked around wildly and spied a nearby hurricane lamp. After I pulled out the candle and he finished the puking in the glass receptacle.

Later all cleaned up in new Christmas pajamas, I settled down and breathed a sigh of relief... ten minutes later he threw up all over again. Unbelievable. The wait staff, my boss and husband all hovered as I tried to keep his little face and vomit off his new pajamas. I hadn't brought two changes of clothing. Who could have predicted that?

He finally finished and I stood and rocked him, trying to settle him down. We were both a little weary. As the kids ate their ice cream and opened their new presents, I looked down; he'd fallen asleep. I looked around the table and saw that our little spectacle didn't seem to make a dent in the holiday spirit. Everyone laughed, drank wine and talked as the Christmas paper flew and gasps gave way to giggles. I settled back down in my chair. This time I didn't run off. We didn't go home. For the first time since I came to Guam, I felt like I was home.

Sheila Cason, MD

Tiny Christmas Villages

If you ever get to Guam during Christmas, treat yourself and visit the St. Fidelis Friary. Inside this hillside Friary, you’ll see the wondrous creation of the Quinata family: a large assortment of tiny Christmas villages. For years the Quinata family has spent hundreds of hours erecting the villages for all of Guam to enjoy, free of charge. We took a leisurely stroll around the villages and then directly following nibbled on the offerings of sushi, cakes, cookies and fruit punch. It has become a Christmas tradition for many families on Guam and one that we happily adopted as well!

Sheila Cason, MD

Christmas Overseas

All around us our friends are leaving for deployment. It’s only recently that the U.S. Navy has been deploying service members who are also stationed overseas. It’s not unusual to be given as little notice as one or two weeks. This can be a double hardship for the families who already feel isolated in another country. They are now further split apart as a key member leaves for an often unknown length of time. The children and family left behind often experience loneliness, frustration and anger, even depression.

Being a military wife, I have learned to let go of expectations. I have become good at turning a challenging situation into a positive experience. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous that my husband may be sent away. I’d also be lying if I didn’t acknowledge how hard it is to be in another country without our family. But I’m proud to be serving our country and I want my children to feel lucky and proud as well.

Military life is different and it can be hard. I’ve found that one of the keys to coping is just acknowledging that fact and then reaching out to others. Tonight we’ll be making Christmas cards for deployed service members. It’s the least we can do to show our deep appreciation for those that are also separated from their loved ones during the holiday. It doesn’t take much time to reach out and send a note. Tonight we’ll let our soldiers know that we miss them and pray for their safe return. May we all remember to be thankful for the families we have near and far.

Sheila Cason, MD

Holiday Tradition: Important for Children

By Marie Hunt
Mommy MD Staff Writer

Parents across the country are getting ready to celebrate the holidays with their children. Child psychology experts recommend that parents take into account the age of their child before selecting holiday activities. Understanding where the child is developmentally, they say, will help the parents give their child an enjoyable holiday experience.

Although an infant's memory is very short, with simple object recognition lasting no longer than six days, many parents want to find ways for their baby to experience the holiday season. Experts suggest holding the baby within 14 inches of decorations and lights, as their vision is limited. Infants enjoy tracking brightly colored objects that are held in front of their eyes, and with fully developed hearing by the age of one month, they may be soothed by softly playing music.

According to developmental psychologist Judith Hudson, by 14 to 18 months children are able to retain long term memories of specific experiences. This is a good age to begin involving the child in family traditions. By the age of 2 or 3, children appreciate ritual, and this is a good time to explain traditions and the reason behind them.

As the child grows, holiday traditions become very important. Linda Gulyn, a professor of psychology at Marymount University who specializes in child development, emphasizes the importance of family traditions for children, saying that they place importance on certain rituals, not because of their meaning, but because of the relational experiences that help them bond with their family members. Recent surveys have found that adults continue traditions they experienced as children, such as making specific foods and watching certain holiday television specials, because a major portion of their childhood memories are based around holiday experiences.

References

http://www.babycenter.com/0_your-babys-holiday-an-age-by-age-guide_9830.bc
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/06/AR2006120602196.html
http://goliath.ecnext.com/coms2/gi_0199-2198896/National-Survey-Reveals-That-More.html

Create a New Family Tradition

Last Christmas Eve was a night I won’t soon forget. In the spirit of slowing down and remembering what the holidays mean to our family, we went to our church’s Christmas Eve service. Now anyone with kids will know that trying to keep three small children entertained, appropriate and quiet during a service can be an exercise in futility and may be best not attempted. In fact since the kids were born we hadn’t braved it out on this special night. But last year we added this new tradition to our family routine. Oh sure they were wiggly and we probably shushed them a little but that’s not what I’ll remember.

I’ll remember the moment when we all were still. I’ll remember the lone candle that lit each family’s space. The church glowed with a multitude of small flames and we sang Silent Night in unison. The kids looked around mesmerized. They had never seen such a sight, nor had I. As we later meandered our way home through the dark neighborhood, a pale pretty barn owl swooped gracefully through the cool night air. As it crossed in front of us I sat awestruck, lost in the moment.

I don’t really remember last year’s Christmas gifts or the clinic’s crazy number of sick children, or even what we ate for dinner. I do, however, remember specifically how it felt to be in that church and later how it felt to see that owl. Being willing to creating a new family tradition had brought such pleasant rewards.

What new tradition will you start this holiday to bring you closer to the spirit of the season?

Sheila Cason, MD

Happy Thanksgiving

What I’m thankful for…

• Healthy children
• End of the day where have you been hugs and unsolicited I love yous
• Soft warm rain
• Little tree frogs and charming geckos
• Strong hearts and open minds
• Sweet smiles and friendly faces
• Brave soldiers
• Fearless families
• New friends and safe places

Sheila Cason, MD

Grocery Day

Ahhh! The week is over and today I headed to the grocery store… alone. Weird. I meandered through the aisles and prepared meals as I went along. Pure bliss. I did sort of miss the kids though. They usually run up and down the aisle helping me put everything in the basket.

It’s always a balance to find what’s good to eat and what’s good for the kids. I’m not a strict “by the book” mom even though I know better. I try to limit high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated vegetable oils but have been known to stock Oreos in my cupboards and Gold Fish in my purse. We were on a kick of Fruit Loops for a while but it’s tapered off, mostly because I just stopped giving them to the kids. We’re still struggling with the candy. Really it’s going out in the trash soon. Just as soon as I stop eating it!

You can teach your child to about the colors of rainbow with this cute Sesame Street song. Soon they’ll know that the colors refer to fruits and vegetables and not skittles and M&Ms!

Sheila Cason, MD

Making More Work for Ourselves

I’m a little startled when people actually admit to ironing their sheets. Actually I’m a little envious, because I figure they must be caught up on everything else if that’s the next thing on their list. But who am I kidding? It’s not the next thing on my list. Ever. You’ll never catch me ironing my sheets or the kids’ clothes. Ok, maybe if they were going to meet the president but thankfully if they ever get the chance they’ll be old enough to do it themselves or old enough not to care.

I guess it’s a personal preference. What is more work to someone is pure enjoyment to another. One time I told someone I like to bake bread and she look at me confused. She was nice enough not to say “Whhhat! Are you crazy!” but instead politely inquired: “Can you not buy any at the store”? That’s what’s called a rhetorical question. Of course I can buy some at the store. I just like to make it. That and cookies and other real food. Call me crazy but eating is a necessity and it’s nice when it tastes good but the sheets? They kind of flatten out when you sleep on them. Right?

I met another mom recently who admitted to making her own clothes and grinding her own grain for her kids. Huh? Wow! That’s some extra time on your hands. But here’s the thing…she looked really busy to me. Maybe she just makes the extra time happen. Kind of like I make the time to write. Right now there are grocery bags all over the kitchen floor status post an early grocery shopping trip with the kids. I tried picking up some stuff when I walked in but the kids are all sleeping - I know! Can you believe it? I think God felt sorry for me.- so I had to prioritize. I have today off and I’m back in the clinic tomorrow and all next week. Sooo… I have to write now. I set the timer for 15 minutes and write for that long. Then I jump up and put stuff away for 15 minutes. It’s what works for me since I tend to get side tracked and my whole day fritters away. I know of only one other person that gets this bizarre behavior. She’s my twin. Hmmm…genetics! It’s a strong tie but not that strong because if I’m recalling correctly she actually irons her sheets. Which as I said before, I just do not get!

Sheila Cason, MD

Halloween

I was never a real Halloween lover until I had kids, and now I’m completely won over. I’m still getting the hang of it though. The house is still only partly decorated, and we’ve never carved a pumpkin. I’ve saved magazines to get great ideas for the holiday but they collect dust instead.

Last night we watched all the neighborhood kids dress up. Their sweet faces and adorable costumes were delightful. It took me back to when I watched my oldest discover this unique evening. She looked at me as if to say: “Okay let me get this straight. I dress up in whatever fantasy character I want? I go out at night instead of the usual dinner, bath, bed. I go to people’s houses and strangers give us candy… for free. And then I go home…and get to eat it”.

Once she was sure this was supposed to happen, she trotted off and has been a fan ever since. The baby is still a little wary and wore a confused look the entire evening. No kidding, he didn’t smile once. He kept crinkling his eyes as he analyzed everyone. He wouldn’t even hold his bag. I remember when my nephew was young he would try to put his candy back into the bowls that were offered out to him!

With my oldest daughter’s birthday near Halloween, we have gotten into the swing of things. I have gradually collected paraphernalia and every year Halloween gets better. I really love it. It’s a deliciously sweet way for the kids to have some fun. Next year we’ll try pumpkin carving. I’m inspired to create one like my friend’s “Boo” pumpkin.

Sheila Cason, MD

Birthday Girl

The uninterrupted time was splendid. We prepared for her party tomorrow, decorated the house, swam … but the true highlight was getting her nails done. My little girl is growing up.

Sheila Cason, MD

My First Born

Tomorrow my first born turns 5 years old. I can’t believe that it’s been 5 whole years since she came along and my life was changed. Sometimes it feels longer than 5 years that I have had her in my life and at other times it was just a minute ago that I was a new mom, feeling happy, scared and ready for anything.

Recently I have some friends that have either just had or will have their first baby and I’m jealous. Never again will I experience it all again for the first time. But as I much as I miss her little baby stage, I’m really enjoying the new stage as well. It’s amazing to discover her personality. She’s a giggler and I love to listen to her and see what is so funny. Tomorrow I plan on taking the day off to be with her and I can’t wait. There will be no school, no work, no other siblings. Just she and I…the way it was in the beginning.

Sheila Cason, MD

The Long Hug

It seems that when the kids start to get past the little baby stage that any embrace gets shorter and shorter. There was a time when all my precious children slept soundly and preferably in my arms. I could hold them all day long if I so desired. Now the cuddles come in the morning and while reading books. The days of the prolonged hold is starting to wan…unless they are sick.

When they kids are sick their regression comes quickly, and I latch onto it knowing that this moment of stillness is something I might not get for a while. Yesterday, my 17 month old, still trying to kick his cold, fell back asleep in my arms after waking from his nap. I was talking to my husband and rocking my little boy when my husband whispered, “He’s asleep.”

I froze. It was too good and I was afraid of spoiling the moment. This hadn’t happened since I stopped breastfeeding 2 months ago. I settled back in my chair gazed at his little face. He was a bigger version of his baby self but just as vulnerable looking. He slept there for a long while, enough for dusk to settle over the house and for me to wonder if he’d be there all night. While I felt terrible that he was sick I was also grateful for the long hug.

Sheila Cason, MD

Geckos Galore!

The island is alive. There are critters galore and so far the kids’ favorite is the little cute gecko. Before moving to Guam, we had never seen any geckos except in the clever Geico commercials. You have to admit of all the reptiles they are small and utterly charming with their large eyes and little bitty feet.

Geckos are the only lizards that have a voice. Some species of geckos make a squeaking or clicking noise that sounds like "gecko," hence their name. Most geckos are nocturnal which explains why for a while there we always saw a little one nightly. Just around bedtime we’d have our gecko “sighting”. We’d be reading books and settling down when all of a sudden someone would cry out, “Gecko!” and you’d hear squeals and the sound of everyone’s feet, including the baby’s, pattering across the floor to say hello!

I have to admit I find the geckos charming as well. They are innocent, harmless to humans and eat mostly insects. What more could you ask for in house guest critter? They are welcome anytime!

Sheila Cason, MD

The Best Laid Plans

Last evening was a bit of a disaster. What started out to be a pretty good evening, complete with striking sunset and good food, quickly decompensated into every parent’s worst nightmare: your child is throwing a tantrum and there’s nothing you can do about it.

It all started when I saw my baby happily munching on a cookie. Not knowing if it had nuts and was therefore “safe” to eat, I broke off a piece and put it in my mouth. He lost it! He started screaming and crying throwing himself backwards on the ground. I started reasoning with him but quickly switched to ignoring him when I saw it was too late. He was so angry and beyond reasoning, that I would have to ride out the storm until it passed. I had no problem with this. After all this was my third child and I was getting used to this behavior. I knew it would be over soon. I went on with my business which included picking up a friend’s infant and cuddling him. My poor baby couldn’t handle it. He started screaming even louder, tears and mucous ran down his red face. When the screaming gave way to vomiting, I caved and went to hold him.

Just as I thought all was calming down the other two started to bicker. I went over to sort it out and soon the mama of all dramas quickly erupted from my three year old. I still don’t quite know what it was all about. It beat out all other tantrums hands down. She started ear piercing wailing and running in circles around the picnic area.

Can you believe it? Two of my three kids had the largest tantrums of their lives and it was on the same night. I think all the parents at the party could relate but the childless couples were viewing it all with a mixture of awe and pity. We did what any reasonable parent would do. We scooped up the kids, made our apologies, and got out of there as fast as we could. Sometimes it’s just the best you can do.

Sheila Cason, MD

Friday Traditions

I recently ran across this great article by Rondi Hillstrom Davis and Janell Sewall Oakes. It encourages us to gather with our friends. I find the more informal it is the better. Tonight we’ll be gathering on the beach to grill tuna and have our own Friday night tradition. The kids and adults alike will get a chance to laugh and play after a week of work and productivity. I’m looking forward to it. I’ll take pictures to share!

Easy Autumn Entertaining; A Casual Dinner with Friends

Gathering friends together around the dinner table becomes a Friday night tradition. As I greeted my friends, each bearing a gift from their own kitchens, I was reminded of the signs of fall.

The signs of fall are unmistakable in my part of the country. Golden aspens shimmer in the crisp breeze and crimson leaves float through the air. Weekend visitors flock to apple orchards, pumpkin patches, and intricate corn mazes that farmers have carved into their fields. Canned food drives and Coats for Kids programs are in full swing. The comforting aromas of warm soup and a crackling fire fill our homes. Just as the animals prepare for colder weather, there is something almost instinctual about our desire to make the most of the last days of temperate weather, stock up on autumn’s colorful offerings, count our blessings, and nurture, not just those we love, but the community as a whole.

Now that we’ve comfortably settled into our school routines, gathering friends together around the dinner table becomes a Friday night tradition. With my friends, this started in late September, when Susan casually mentioned that she’d made a big pot of chili (too much for just her family) and it would save her freezer space if we would bring the kids over and help them finish it. Within hours, there were six adults sharing stories around the kitchen island and nine children planning a circus in the playroom. The next week, Lee called to say he’d just brought home a new fire pit for the backyard and had soup on the stove. Once again, the week’s tensions fell away as we gathered around the campfire, laughing and roasting s’mores.

When our turn came, I knew better than to plan a large meal. No matter how many assurances of, “Don’t bring anything, I have it all under control,” I knew no one would come empty handed. Nancy’s always sure to bring an appetizer or dessert, along with an excuse for going all out. Sometimes it’s a simple collection of cheeses, pears, and spiced walnuts (because, “I bought them at the Farmer’s Market last week and I have way too much.”). To our gathering, she brought her famous lemon bars (because, “The girls really wanted to make them.”). After Susan arrived with a spread made from cannelini beans, sage, garlic, and olive oil, a loaf of good, crusty bread, and an armload of games for the kids, I knew we were in for another memorable evening.

As I greeted my friends, each bearing a gift from their own kitchens, I was reminded of the Children’s folktale, Stone Soup. It’s a story about a group of individuals who don’t have enough to eat but, when they come together as a community, bring all they have to the table to create a sumptuous stew. Our friends are like that. Each of us, with our own personalities and experiences, bring joy and support to one another.

I gazed around that night, feeling lucky to have found such a warm group of friends, and remembered the gratitude wreath my family creates each year for Thanksgiving. We build a wreath of autumn leaves, each displaying a written message about what we are thankful for. Lacking a pile of leaves, I asked my guests to grab a gourd from the centerpiece, gave them each a permanent marker, and told them to write anything that came to mind. When we were through, we filled a glass vase with the gourds and placed it between us on the table. The small pumpkin on top simply said, “Good Friends.”

About the Authors: Rondi Hillstrom Davis and Janell Sewall Oakes are the co-authors of the award-winning book Together: Creating Family Traditions. To check out their website that's jam packed with family ideas, visit http://www.togetherparenting.com

Article re-published with permission from: http://www.togetherparenting.com/archives/articles_goodfriends.html

Have a good weekend and go play with your friends!

Sheila Cason, MD

Family Outings

We spent this weekend immersed in a little bit of island culture. It was the annual Micronesian Island Fair at Ypao Beach Park, and it highlighted 10 island groups of Micronesia including Guam. My girls were particularly fascinated by the dancers. The music was hypnotic, and they couldn’t help but move with the groove. They kept running in and out of the crowds trying to get closer to the stage. I had to keep running after them. It was exhausting at times trying to balance keeping them safe and close to me and yet letting them explore.

When you have young kids it’s tempting to stay home a lot. After a week of work and school, it’s nice to stay in and have no agenda. I mean, lets face it, sometimes the thought of bringing changes of clothes, diapers, strollers, snacks, drinks, blankies and all the other paraphernalia is too much! I just want to order pizza and open a bottle of wine. I have to fight the urge to do this all of the time though. Kids learn how to behave in restaurants and public places by actually going there, getting it all wrong and being corrected. When we first moved here, my kids went crazy in restaurants. No kidding, I would spend all my time pulling kids out from under the table and explaining why screaming songs from The Little Mermaid was inappropriate!

The more we venture out for little outings, the better we get at it. First and foremost, we’ve lower our expectations. Just getting out of the house for a change of pace is usually our goal. We usually go for outings in the morning before naps or in the afternoon after they wake up from naps. Whatever we do, we only plan to be gone for a couple of hours at a time. And when the crying becomes overwhelmingly consistent, regardless of what we are doing, we start our trek home. All in all it’s getting better, and we’re still having fun!

Sheila Cason, MD

Another Year Another Football Season

For a while now the weekends have been filled with football. Everywhere I turn, loud raucous noise emanates from the TV. My husband talks to me animatedly about all the different teams and their players. I politely listen but I really haven’t a clue. I rarely watch it. I can read a book for hours but trying to sit in front of a football game gets me all jumpy. But even though I don’t watch it I am a football fan. There’s something about having it on and a constant presence throughout the holidays that feels right to me.

Ever since the kids were babies they’ve climbed up and joined their daddy on the couch.
So last weekend when they grabbed their jerseys and snuggled up to him, I grabbed the camera. I knew somewhere on the computer sat last years picture and I couldn’t wait to compare the two.

I was amazed. They look so different and yet along the way the change seemed to happen so subtly. We move a lot so there is no one door with their heights measured and etched in the wood. What we do have is lots of pictures and good memories. I can tell that these football jersey pics will be some of my favorites. They’re so sweet, giggling on the couch and playing each other. I can’t wait to see what next year looks like.

Sheila Cason, MD

Manila Bananas

Living in the tropics you get used to seeing banana trees around. We have one such tree in our back yard right next to the window, and the kids have spent months watching its fruit ripen. “Oooohhh…bananas!” they would point out nearly every day. They took a while to grow and the wait seemed long but finally they were ready.

The most unique aspect of this banana is how it looks. They’re fat and yellow with little brown scattered freckles. They plump up and ripen so much so that their skin splits down one side and begs to be eaten. I almost cut them up but eating it pure and unchanged from the way nature made them seemed preferable. Cutting it up would change the texture and therefore the experience.

Remember the episode on M*A*S*H when Hawkeye had corn on the cob sent in from the states. He talked about it so much that he had the camp all worked up. By the time it arrived they were reminiscing about lazy summer days and you could almost taste the sweet corn. You could hear its crunch when you bit into it and taste the butter as it dripped off your fingers and you pulled little corn kernels from your teeth. So when Private Igor Straminsky, the mess tent assistant, turned that beautiful corn on the cob into creamed corn, you groaned along with everyone else in disappointment. They just couldn’t leave well enough alone!

Taking food and twisting it into a completely other dish is delightful sometimes and at other times it’s downright criminal. For now I’ll leave the little cute sweet bananas alone and eat it in its natural state. The kids like it better this way too. It’s nature’s healthy snack. They taste sweet but with a little tang, lemony almost. I’ll eat them like this for a while because I’m still new to the Island and filled with banana wonder.

Sheila Cason, MD

Naptime

Nothing makes me madder than having just gotten all three kids to nap and aghhh... some inescapable noise threatens to wake my children. It’s naptime at the Cason’s and not a sound is peeping. Nothing, nada, zip. Except for an alarm that is currently going off in our quiet, secured, no alarm necessary neighborhood.

I’m protective of my kid’s naptime. It’s a well needed rest for all of us. When I was childless- a lifetime ago- I thought people were a little too strict with naps. I used to wonder about the moms who’d tape a stern note to the door –

“Attention do not ring door bell… Children napping!”

What it really meant was:

“Warning! Children inside napping and mom going to lose it if you up wake her child."

Of course now I get it. I mean what mom wouldn’t understand?

Once I had kids my perspective shifted. Now when the phone rings at an ungodly hour – 2:00 pm - I lunge toward it.

“Hello”, I whisper a little too crankily.

“Oh I’m sorry were you sleeping?”, they usually reply.

“No.”

Most times I add “I’m about to take a shower.”

Sometimes I add “I’m about to clean the bathroom.”

And occasionally I add “I’m about to do some sit ups.”

But it’s not unusual for me to skip the shower, the bathroom and the sit ups altogether and go straight for the most procrastinated task. Seriously now, I have to go. The kids are sleeping, and there’s laundry to be folded.

Sheila Cason, MD

Origami for Children

Yesterday’s toy exhibit had such a great display of origami that I was inspired to investigate more about this ancient Japanese art. Origami uses a small number of different folds, but they can be combined in a variety of ways to make intricate designs. In general, these designs begin with a square sheet of paper whose sides may be different colors. There are a wide variety of books on origami; many are designed specifically with children in mind.

Friedrich Froebel, the German founder of the Kindergarten Movement, introduced paper folding into kindergarten as one of the childrens’ recreations. Though he wasn’t aware of the Japanese word “origami” he was definitely on to something. Jane Healy in her book: Endangered Minds: Why Children Don’t Think and What We Can Do About It points out that performing crafts such as origami helps kids to develop their mind. Origami uses both the left hemisphere - responsible for logical thinking, number skills, reading, speech, and scientific ability, and the right hemisphere – responsible for insight, three-dimensional perception, imagination, and musical and art abilities. It is thought that because origami uses both the right - creative, and left - logic hemispheres, it helps to develop the pathway between the two. When this pathway between the two hemispheres is used frequently then children can have a richer imagination and manipulate ideas better.

I found a website Activity Village.co.uk that has easy fun origami patterns for kids. My kids have been playing with their creations all afternoon!

Sheila Cason, MD

Preschool

My “little” middle girl is a “big” girl today as she headed off to her first day of preschool. As I get ready to return to work, I have been looking into options for her care and sure enough a space was available at the preschool so I grabbed it! I felt guilty; she had all of one day to prepare herself. It turns out that one day was too long.

She cried and wailed, “I want to go NOW!”

“Hold on”, I said. “We’ll go tomorrow.”

“Can I have a backpack and bring lunch?”

“Yes sweetie and your blanket to have at nap time”

She sniffled a while longer and then seemed satisfied that I was telling the truth.

When we woke up this morning, she was all smiles telling her sister proudly that she was off to school. She loaded up an impossibly large backpack. I couldn’t convince her to take the smaller one. And she was out the door! It went amazingly well. She waited patiently at the front desk for me to finish her paperwork. As she watched the fish in the fish tank, she kept asking when she could go see her friends. Once she got in the classroom, she was a little hesitant. You can see in the picture she’s looking at the door. But soon she was posing with her “buddy” and asking the teacher when she could paint. I gave her a “thumbs up” and left.

Sending her to preschool was so much easier than I had expected. She’s a little more “sensitive” than her siblings but it helps that we’ve both seen her sister do well. I expect there will be some tweaking and growing pains. Hopefully she’ll be able to take a nap there. I cannot have two sleep deprived girls! I’m off soon to go pick her up. I hope it went well!

Scholastic.com has some great tips on how to ease separation anxiety.

Sheila Cason, MD

Cranky Days

Boy has life changed since kindergarten started. I expected the tears - both mine and hers. I expected the long days - again, both mine and hers. What I didn’t expect was to wait all day for her company and then see it dissolve into a screaming match once she got home.

It starts insidiously enough. First her exasperation is amusing. We’re still honeymooning from her long day away from home, and I’m just glad to see her. Then she decompensates abruptly into screaming, hitting and generally just being an entirely different child. By the time bedtime hits my patience has long been worn away.

I suspect her behavior may be linked to sleep deprivation. For the first time she’s having long days without a nap. I realized her behavior may be fatigue related when one day, in the middle of screaming, she started hysterically laughing and finally out escaped a yawn. Now that’s tired! I haven’t quite figured out what to do. I’ve tried one on one time and making sure she gets her naps when she’s home. She also goes to bed early on school nights. It seems to be helping a little.

Suggestions anyone?

Sheila Cason, MD

Jack Johnson

Yesterday’s activities wiped us out so much that today we’re spending the day indoors. It helps that it’s raining, so I don’t feel all that guilty. The baby’s taking an early nap. So the rest of us are snuggled on the couch to watch the movie: Curious George. For the moment no one is screaming and everyone is at peace, including myself.

I love the movie Curious George because of the music. Jack Johnson does the soundtrack. His mellow sweet tunes make it enjoyable for just about everyone. I’m sure I’m like most people in that I crave peaceful moments. One day I woke up and my mother’s voice had replaced my own.

I actually found myself saying, “Will you please turn that noise down!”

Jack Johnson provides a welcome relief to the mind numbing screaming that can often accompany children’s shows. Here is a bit from the chorus of Upside Down where he eloquently captures the innocence and wonderment of childhood.

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say
just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing
and dance to Mother Nature's songs
I don't want this feeling to go away

Sheila Cason, MD

Birthday Party

Have you noticed that children’s birthday parties have a tendency to get out of hand? When my oldest turned four, we had a big party. I spent weeks planning, days cooking and hours cleaning. Hundreds of dollars went in choosing the perfect food and decorations.

I don’t think many people, including my daughter, remember the flavor of the cake or the color of the streamers. I was stressed ¾ of the time, and it was only when I was left with a crowd of close friends that I finally relaxed. I vowed I wouldn’t do it again.

Today made me rethink birthday parties. I’ve never really believed that a child’s birthday party could be easy, but I saw it happen! We celebrated my friends’ little boy turning two at Ypao Beach, a local beautiful spot here in Guam. The guests were relaxed and playful- collecting shells and making sand castles. The decorations were stunning- lots of beach and beautiful water. The food was simple and yummy - cool drinks and pizza. We laughed and giggled, kids and grownups alike.

A birthday party is about helping a family celebrate their child growing up. It doesn’t have to be elaborate but it helps to be genuine. Real friends will thank you for the opportunity to gather and share in your celebration. So thank you my friend. And happy birthday little man. We had a great time.

Sheila Cason, MD

Chores and Children

Chores and children are like peas and carrots. They are a natural, inevitable pairing and one I like to encourage! I admit that when it’s chore day, it’s tempting just to do it all myself while the kids are watching a movie or down for their naps. But I’m a firm believer that kids learn when they're young. If you start out when they’re little then they don’t see at as “chores”. They just get to help out Mommy and what could be better than that?

The struggle is to slow down and allow them to help! They ask all the time. My rule is if it’s dangerous then it’s a firm no but most tasks can be modified for the child and their age. Know that it won’t be perfect if your kids do it. But who cares about perfect. The worst that could happen is that you’d have to touch it up when they’re done. Quality time doesn’t just mean that you’re snuggling on the couch reading Angelina Ballerina. It’s about spending time with your kids. No matter what you are doing. Even taking out the trash can be a bonding moment.

For chore ideas check out Wondertime’s The Right Chore for the Right Age

Sheila Cason, MD

What’s Your Magic Number?

This past weekend I was awakened by my oldest at 5:30 am. She was clutching her dollys and asking to join us in slumber. I usually resist all requests – unlike their father who, most of the time, without hesitation will just scoop them up. He says he doesn’t realize it and, by the way, aren’t they just the sweetest. Yes of course they are! But I can’t sleep squished in our teeny now made even teenier queen sized bed! Funny, despite this, my children still always come to me. Probably because the other part of the time daddy is snoring through their request. This time I was tired -meaning lazy- and wanting to grab a few more minutes before the other two were up. I grunted and gave permission to come aboard.

She wasted no time. Immediately she scrambled up getting a little stuck on the mattress because of the excessive amounts of STUFF in her hands. Now, my child is a packrat, just like her mommy. I normally need to ask, cajole and then as a last resort yell at her not to bring every nick picky thing with her to the swimming pool, shopping trip or play date. So this early sleepy morning I was winding up to give her some must needed feedback. I also uncharacteristically kept quiet. She grabbed all three of “her children” and snuggled deep in the covers, closing her eyes. I rolled over and thought to myself. I know what you mean baby girl; three is just perfect for me too!

Sheila Cason, MD

Rainy Days

It’s been raining most of the day here on Guam. It’s common during this time of year as July to November is Guam’s rainy season. I love it. There something about the rain that’s so peaceful. Life here has a slower pace anyway but things seem even more relaxed when it rains. People just aren’t in a hurry. It isn’t unusual to see a crowd of people waiting outside the stores for the rain to pass.

According to the Guam Visitors Bureau The mean annual rainfall varies from about 80 inches in the central and coastal lowlands up to 110 inches on the uplands in southern Guam. Throughout the year the easterly trade winds, usually between 4 and 12 miles per hour (mph), are present. Most often the winds are less than 24 mph, except during major tropical storms or typhoons, small scale storms, or squalls, that can occur at any time and with little notice. Typhoons can occur any month of the year but they are most common July through September.

The rain is warm and lovely, perfect to play in! The photo is of my three year old trying to catch a frog.

Sheila Cason, MD

The Middle Child

Now with my oldest in school, you may ask how my little ones that have been left behind are. They’re doing well. The baby is a baby. His world is about the same. But my middle girl is the big sis now and rising to the occasion! It’s weird not having my oldest there. She’s a talker and a leader. She normally takes her sister by the hand and helps her with everything. I don’t mind because I’m usually juggling the baby but my middle child has been habituated to it! They even role play mommy and baby! You can guess who is who!

At first with her sister gone all day, my little girl’s world was all topsy-turvy. She cried the night before kindergarten and said her sister was “gonna be gone forever.” I think she is not used to seeing herself as separate from her sister. I have always worried that being a middle child she’d get lost amidst the chaos of three kids. Some people will talk about birth order and how the middle child may feel unloved or left out. They suggest pointing out that the middle child has the best of both worlds. They are both a big sibling and a little sibling. With her older sister at school, I have had more time with her, and I have really seen the difference. She seems older and more capable. There still are times when she asks for help. But most of the time, it’s stuff that she is able to do. I think she is used to her sister just doing it all for her, and I was used to letting her sister do it all for her. Now if she’s stuck or needs something, I help her figure out how she’s going to solve it. The photo posted is of her picking up all her little toys from the bathtub. I suggested a basket when she wanted me to pick them up.

I love having three children. I hope she knows how special, unique, and lucky we feel to have her in our life! I have been telling her that she is the big sister to her baby brother and sure enough today she grabbed a diaper and put it on him! What was so funny was that he let her! Now who is the mommy and who is the baby? She’s out under her sister’s shadow and shining.

Sheila Cason, MD

Field Trip

Having three children in 4 years has been a lot of work and tomorrow my oldest is off to school! It’s the last day before the first day of kindergarten, and I’m seriously teary!!

I’m not kidding! I’m queasy just thinking about it. Her backpack is packed. Her lunch is made and her clothes are all laid out. My big girl!!

I’ve been so nervous that when my 3 year old said “ Mommy I want to go somewhere”, we threw some lunch in a bag and we were out the door in about a half an hour! We went on a little field trip with the kids down to Gef Pa’go Chamorro Cultural Village. It’s located in Inarajan, Guam. It’s also known as "Inalåhan" in the indigenous Chamorro language and is located in the south eastern part of the island. We ate our picnic and took a tour. This island keeps amazing me. The people were kind and told all kinds of stories. The kids, aside from being distracted by a little mother cat, were very into the demonstrations. We learned how they make coconut candy, recover salt from the ocean, make ropes and weave baskets. The photos are on my flickr photostream. I hope you enjoy them

Of course now I’m home again and back to worrying. The kids are asleep as I write this. I know, I know… she’ll be okay… It’s me I’m worried about. :)

I think I’ll just tell myself what I would tell any mom that has a new kindergartner. Don’t worry she’ll do great! You should be proud. You’ve done your job well and now it’s her turn to go explore a little, to have her own little field trip!

Sheila Cason, MD