Twelve Alternatives to Lashing Out at Your Child

I always expected to adore my children. I had visions of cooing over every cute look and phrase they uttered. We’d spend the day walking hand in hand down the beach and later cuddle over book in front of the fire. What I didn’t expect was the tears and screams- theirs and mine. What I didn’t expect was to clasp my hands in desperation and pray fiercely for patience. And when that doesn’t work, I hide in the bathroom, taking deep breaths before they come banging on the door.

In the spirit of Child Abuse Prevention Month, may you find your coping mechanism. Here are some tips.

1. Take a deep breath... and another. Then remember you are the adult. Children are little and look to you for guidance.

2. Close your eyes and imagine you're hearing what your child is about to hear. This can stop you cold.

3. Press your lips together and count to 10... or better yet, to 20.

4. Put your child in a time-out chair (remember this rule: one time-out minute for each year of age.)

5. Put yourself in a time-out chair. Think about why you are angry: is it your child, or is

your child simply a convenient target for your anger?

6. Phone a friend. It helps just to say, I’m going crazy!! My friends laugh and remind me that this too shall pass.

7. If someone can watch the children, go outside and take a walk. My husband and I will take turns giving each other a break.

8. Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face.

9. Hug a pillow.

10. Turn on some music. Sometimes it drowns out the screaming!

11. Pick up a pencil and write down as many helpful words as you can think of. Post it on the refrigerator and refer to it often.

12. Admit to you child that you need some space. I say this a lot and amazingly it works… sometimes.

Adapted from the website: Prevent Child Abuse America.

Memories

I wonder what my children will remember.

Will it be the rushed mornings as we run out the door? Regularly I call to Gabby to check if the bus has come. A loud noise rumbles by and I shout, " Is that the bus honey?"

"No Mommy, it's the trash tuck!" She always exclaims.

They sound amazingly similar to me.

Or will they remember that daily, just before that, I always brush their hair. Will they remember that I kiss the top of their heads after the loose strands are all tucked away.

I know that I think I'll remember. Of course I'll remember, for it is stuck in my mind and repeated day after day. But I know that I too will forget.

Maybe when we are older and sharing a cup of coffee, they'll remind me and we'll all laugh about how Mommy used to confuse the bus with the trash truck.

And I'll smile as I laugh and remember the smell of their hair...

Sheila Cason MD

A Late Night at the ER

Jacob breathing 60 times a minute prompted a late night ER visit yesterday. After a round of Albuterol (he kept crinkling his nose in bewilderment), a dose of Prelone (he let it dribble out) and a chest X-ray (Whew! Just viral), we were on our way back home.

Now I'm counting breaths, watching for fevers and wrestling with the metered dose inhaler. As you can see, he likes to disassemble it and put in his mouth!

Here's what happened when I took it away:

I spent the next 15 minutes trying to get him calmed down so he wouldn't flare his lungs... or throw up!


Sheila Cason, MD